Do we know how to control our own emotions ? did anyone explained it in our school or family. A simple example is we as Indian’s generally don’t like to say , We are the master of being OK and back in our mind we struggle to say NO to the other person. And this could be a major reason for increasing curroption in the country. You break the traffic signal and the There are times when you release your anger at someone for no reasons, it could be the person who is honking behind your car. Now what is the reason for an uncontrolled emotional outburst ?
This is where your emotional intelligence plays a big role. According to Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist, developed a framework of five elements that define emotional intelligence 1) Self awareness 2) Self-regulation 3 ) Motivation 4) Empathy 5 ) Social Skills
Golman says that people with self awareness are aware about their negative and positive emotions, strength and weaknesses which helps one control the emotions. Self-regulation is thinking before any act, that also help you control the emotions. Empathy is understanding the view point of the other person.
Now Golemans’s theory says its “the ability to identify, assess and control one's own emotions, the emotion of others and that of groups.” Goleman developed a performance-based model of EQ to assess employee levels of emotional intelligence, as well as to identify areas of improvement.
At the time of technology and machine, we are seeing people’s tendency is more and more to lock down into rigid responses to their emotions. Normal natural emotions are being considered bad and staying positive is now considered as moral correctness. People with cancer are asked to be positive, Its cruel and unkind when we do this to ourselves and others. We don’t want to try something because we don’t want to feel disappointed. We are making ourselves dead by avoiding discomfort. The rigid denial does not work, its unsustainable for human existence. Internal pain always comes out and who pay’s the price? it’s the people around you. Reflecting on your emotions and their origin help you handle the feeling.
Emotional agility is more than emotional acceptance, we usually use an emoticon to express our feelings while chatting with our friends. When we are sending the smiling emoticon we may be sipping our coffee without any expression on our face. When we experience emotions, we are able to generate responses. We need to learn that Emotions are something we are born with and we own our emotions they don’t own us.
Have you ever thought about why people judge, why they bully each other? its because of insecurity , due to lack of emotional intelligence, because its hard to understand yourself and someone else , and even harder to connect at an emotional level where someone else is coming from. In order to change that we need to consider emotional intelligence as a crucial skill in our society and also take time to consciously work on it.
Therefore, Emotional agility is the ability to be with your emotions with curiosity, compassion and special courage to take value connected steps.
What is it look like in practice? Learn what is the emotion telling you. When you say you are angry in your mind, you are noticing that you are angry. Some call it emotional truth or individual realization which allows us to understand what is our emotion telling us.
May be you scroll your Facebook page and 5 secs of your time, how could it be hurting me? But researchers say’s envying your friends on Facebook actually lead to depression. One of the traps that the mind may setup for you. Unhealthy belief about ourself keep yourself focused on the problem.
Like a gymnast who learn to move beyond the rigidity of denial into what we call emotional agility.
Life’s beauty is inseparable from its fragility.
Emotional intelligence is managing your own emotions and controlling other’s emotions, this involve three skills -
- Emotional awareness which many of us call empathy.
- Ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving.
- The ability to manage emotions which includes regulating your own emotions and cheering up or calming down other people.
Unhealthy belief about others is another type of mind trap. When you say your parents drive you mad you give away your power to control the situation. We blame them for holding us back but you need to accept the fact that its actually you not them. The world is what you make it.
This will lead you to a path for self-realization, different emotions inside you will also bring towards your values, In seeing yourself you will see others too.