Do you consider yourself picky when it comes to your clothes, friends, and how you spend your time? My husband labeled us as such a couple of years ago, when he noticed many of the people we considered friends were turning their back on us, and we didn’t seem able to make new ones. The sales assistants tell me I’m too picky with their eyes and attitude whenever I go shopping for clothes.
I tend to disagree: we’re not picky enough! I:
Don’t want friends who don’t like having my children around or with whom I have to pretend to be someone else.
Don’t need clothes I don’t like and don’t feel comfortable wearing, just because some sales assistant is not in the mood to show me something else, or the store-owner assures me they look good on me.
We only have one life, and limited resources. If we’re not careful how we live it, we may wake up one day overwhelmed by regrets, realizing we wasted precious time and energy on things and people who were not worth it. I prefer to be picky, and only invest my money, feelings, and time into things and people I feel are worth it.
The clothes you wear influence:
The way you feel and see yourself
The way others see you
Your performances.
You must know the feeling of putting on a new outfit and feeling that you have the world at your feet. Your troubles disappear, and nothing can prevent you from obtaining what you want. I’m sure you’ve also experienced the reverse: that one day when you were supposed to look at your best but you spilt coffee on your shirt, or the love of your life decides to come knocking on your door, and you’re wearing sweats.
The clothes you wear can make you feel the center of the universe, or a small bug waiting to be crushed. Unfortunately, they also influence the way others perceive you. Did you know that:
Red clothes make men look angrier, more aggressive, and more dominant than blue or grey clothes? They do, and several and a 2015 study confirmed it. Subjects saw photos of the same men, wearing the same outfits, but of different colors, and they reported perceiving anger, aggression, and dominance in men wearing red.
A 2017 study argues that clothes mediate the recognition of our bodies in a social context? Provocative clothing objectifies and dehumanizes women, exposing them to sexual violence. They turn women into sexual objects whose only purpose seems to be responding to male desires. When rejected, some men feel entitled to resort to violence, since they’ve received mixed signals.
There are also studies proving that we should “Dress for Success” every day? One of them, led by Jeffrey L. Magee, discovered that relaxation when it comes to one’s clothing brings about relaxation when it comes to manners, morals, and productivity.
A 2015 study militates in favor of dressing for success by showing that formal clothing leads to greater category inclusiveness and enhances the global processing advantage? It found that the clothes we wear influence cognition broadly and impact the processing style that changes objects, people, and events.
What does this tell you? Buy and wear clothes that make you feel and look your best, without worrying that you’re too dressed up, and without losing your personal touch. If you dress like an executive, you’ll be more likely to feel and act like one. Just don’t forget to match colors and occasions, and give your outfits a personal touch!
WHY BE PICKY WITH YOUR FRIENDS
How many friends do you have? No, I’m not referring to social media connections, but to real-life people who would get out of their comfort zone to help you and stand by you in need. They appreciate your presence in all circumstances, they have no problem keeping a secret, and they don’t criticize you to everyone who will listen.
Let’s say your counting reveals a number of 10 friends. What if I told you that, out of those 10 friends, only 5 think of you as their friend? I know it’s painful, but a 2016 study confirmed it. Although 95% of the study participants believed their friendships were reciprocal, only 50% of their friends felt the same way.
If you want to know who your real friends are, leave your own feelings aside for a minute, and observe what is going on around you. Who calls when you get sick, offers to help without you asking, and raises your spirits when you feel down? Who seeks your presence with no particular interests in mind?
Those are the people you should focus on. If you do, chances are you will feel and function better, enjoy better health, and be more content and optimistic. This is the conclusion of a study released in April this year, which found that adults with friends function better, while those without friends tend to develop chronic illnesses. Friend support, along with family support improves subjective well-being.
My honest advice is that you stop wasting your time on social media and focus on your real-life friendships instead. Your time is limited, so it is important to make the most of every second.
WHY BE PICKY WITH YOUR TIME?
This time, I’m not going to cite studies. I just want you to look at your days and assess how much of them you will remember in a couple of years. Surely not much of the time you spend working, checking your emails and social media accounts, or trying to come up with new ideas for just about anything.
I used to postpone dates with my husband, trips with my girls, and friends get-togethers to finish a work project. We needed the money, I risked losing a client, I had a deadline, etc. Sometimes, I would struggle for hours to write a piece I could have finished in minutes. I did make a lot of money that year. It all went on medical bills and frivolous things.
One day, my 5-year old daughter asked me: When are we going to do something fun? You always have to work, and dad is always away or distracted! I don’t want toys, I want you to hold me and play with me! My first instinct was to send her play in her room, as usual. In my mind, I was working for her, and I expected her to understand.